Scarves, Slaves, Sheiks & Sales

"Are you sure this is the right place?" Tasha glowered at Snerdly, who for once in his life looked meek.

"So the coordinates would indicate," he mumbled.

"Wowee!" Sparki observed as she expertly maneuvered the ship into Landing Bay 14. "I can't believe she vanished like that - I mean zappo, kaput, bogus, missing…"

"At least she dropped the map before she left," Snerdly snorted. "But then again, it also self-destructed when YOU fed it into the computer." (Authors' note: and that's all YOU need to know about the map until it pops up again in Chapter 62. Don't worry, it's nothing mysterious, we just forgot we had it.) "Further more," Snerdly continued uninterrupted, "we never found out what she meant…"

Tasha's wail stopped Snerdly in mid-sentence. "Mollie has my mousse in her purse!!!"

The ship's computer coordinates had led them to the planet Phi Beta Kappa minor minor minor, as the destination to which the transporter had sent (hopefully!) all of Mollie's sub-particles. The hatch wheezed open, manfully complaining until Tasha soothed its hinges with a squirt of Salon Selectives hot oil treatment for dry hair.

The morning sun burst across the bridge and was nearly eclipsed by the light on Tasha's face as realization began to dawn. The planet Phi Beta Kappa minor minor minor was not nearly so much a planet as an Arabian Outlet Mall. A huge bazaar stretched for miles, as far as the eye (even Tasha's) could see, and the streets were filled with sheiks and slaves, and miles and miles or merchandise. They left the docking bay and Tasha was to excited to notice the complimentary theme music offered to all adventurers entering the bazaar.

Sparki strode purposely forward at Tasha's side, the two a brave new team, one heart with a mission and one with a $1,500.00 credit limit on her Visa card. Snerdly only grumbled. It was somewhere between dinner and the two for one handbag sale at the tent of Abdou Ben Addam Beilicheim Arsenio that Sparki saw her. Tasha's eyes were slightly glazed with fury because Snerdly had seen a slave girl auction and had swiped her best credit card - the one that was only a thousand dollars overcharged - and had left the group; Something which he had been ordered NEVER to do on a field trip. Tasha had gone after him with murder on her mind, but Snerdly quickly returned. Alone.

After the initial recognition, Sparki stared in wonder. Mollie was wearing any assortment of scarves, jewels, sandals, and Harem pants (and beginning to look a little like Tasha after last season's Contempo sale.) "Like zappo - no way! What gauze distributor truck collided with you?" Sparki grinned. Perhaps it was the decorous 600-karat ruby Mollie wore in her navel, but Snerdly zeroed in like a homing pigeon. Thank God he was lost for words.

Sparki gaped at Mollie. "Like what happened?"
Mollie shrugged, "I guess it's what they call testosterone…"

Sparki blinked, "Duh! Not to Snerdly - what happened to YOU?"

Mollie shook her head. "It was awful. I fell through the probability generator and I got here and found myself dressed like this and there was a slave auction and this sheik BOUGHT me for his harem. How dare he!!??"

Snerdly began to drool. Just then, Tasha arrived with a burly slave auction guard and a stranger dressed in lavender satin.

"Hi dolls!" The stranger lisped, "my name is Bruce…"

Mollie bit her lip. "Tasha? Where did you get that man…um, person?"

Tasha glared. "So? You got a new outfit; can't I get a manicurist? I traded Snerdly for him." They all gasped as the slave auction guard grabbed Snerdly by the arm.

Mollie protested. "Tasha, you can't trade Snerdly in - it's not like you are upgrading a car! He's a human being!" Mollie faltered under the direct stare of her comrades. "Well, he's LIKE a human being…" The stares continued. "Okay, so he's a facsimile, you still can't trade him in like merchandise!"

Sparki grinned evilly. "Think of it like returning a Milli Vanilli CD…" she mused, "bogus is as bogus does…"

"Besides," Tasha wailed, "Bruce is the only man I have ever met who understands the torment of an unconditioned spiral perm!"

Just then, another slave auction guard caught Mollie by one gauze-veiled arm. "A, so there you are! You shall not escape again. Sheik How Ar-Dstern Gingrich is most displeased!" With that, Mollie and Snerdly were dragged off in opposite directions by their respective slavers, leaving Tasha, Sparki and Bruce in the middle of the bizarre - I mean bazaar.

Tasha dropped her purse and howled. "What are we going to dooooooooooooooo?"

Bruce shrugged, then cried out as he discovered a tragedy of his own. "Shit, I think I broke a nail."