Forbidden Planet of the Fluffy Bunnies

 

The grinding metal of protesting servomotors made a ghastly sound on board the tiny, trendily decorated spaceship, as the hatch was forced open. Sparks flew, and an eerie miasma of smoke filled the air as the screeching hatch was silenced. Poised with their respective (and woefully ineffective) weapons, our heroes drew a collective gasp as an ominous shadow spilled across the floor, and a figure stepped forth from the midst.

"It's…it's…" gurgled Snerdly in abject terror.

"It's a rabbit," Hamish finished.

Sure enough, a small, fluffy bunny with an enormous shadow (thanks to the strategically placed lighting display behind it) hopped innocently onto the ship and wiggled its whiskers at the assembled crew in a certifiably adorable fashion. Everyone sighed happily; with the exception of Snerdly, who wouldn't know cute it if bit him on the big toe.

Which is exactly what the rabbit did next.

Ignoring Snerdly's indignant expletives regarding his intention to reinstate animal testing at all major cosmetics laboratories, Mollie stepped forth and swept up the bunny in her arms. It persisted in making cute bunny-faces at everyone except Snerdly.

"All right, what do you suppose this means?" began Mew, who was rightly proud of himself for showing grand restraint in the presence of such a delectable-looking chewtoy.

"D'ye think the whole bloody planet is nowt but rabbits?" speculated Hamish, with visions of hasenpfeffer-curry dancing through his head.

"Ooo, all that furrrrrrr," purred Bruce. The rabbit began to look distinctly nervous.

"Now cut that out!" bawled Mollie, "You're scaring him!"

"Yeah, like, totally chill," Sparki interjected. "Maybe this is like a really rad giant petting zoo."

"Ooo, all that pettinggg," Bruce purred again. Hamish took one or two steps towards the open hatchway.

"I'll take ma chances wi' the wild beasties!" the large Celt proclaimed, and bounded out the door before anyone could stop him.

Craig leaned over to Bruce and nudged him with his bow. "Why'd you go and do that then?"
"Sweetheart, he's just too easy," Bruce smiled, filing his nails like the devil.

Tasha began rummaging in the storage closet for the minivac. "Well I could use some fresh air myself, but I refuse to get rabbit fuzz all over THIS blouse!" She came up armed with the vac and a commemorative "Neon Lites Rock and Reel at the Odeon" lint brush. "I'm ready."
"I heartily advise against this," Snerdly growled, emerging from the bathroom with a bandage-swathed, iodine-soaked left foot. "The chances of this being a hostile environment are 98.793412034 and 3/8%. We don't stand a chance if we leave this ship."

 Everyone gave him their usual pitying glance, reserved expressly for moments when he began babbling about percentiles and algorithms. The rabbit stuck out its tongue.

"Like mondo dismisso those bogusly negative thoughts, Snerd-Dude. You have to be more, like, open to the universe of possibility. You are cruising for a TOTAL ulcer."

Mollie quickly offered Snerdly a papaya enzyme tablet in a gracious attempt to thwart Sparki's foreboding prediction, but he slapped it away. The tablet bounced across the cabin and came to rest on the genuine faux-Malkovian Quasi-Yak fur throw rug. Before Mollie could react, the rabbit leaped from her arms, skittered across the floor and swallowed the tablet.

"Hmmm. I've a bad feeling about this," muttered Craig, in the most appalling understatement of the year.