Our erstwhile band members turned intrepid (really insensate) adventurers moved on through the dark caverns, out of harm's way, for the time being. Denara spent the next half hour looking at her chest, in relief or disappointment, I cannot say, while Craig muttered, "fibbles and ticks, fibbles and ticks" until the others feared that the journey back into his babyhood had marred his sensibility.

            At long last, or at short first, they came to the end of the tunnel and found there was no light. In front of them was a door without a handle.

            "End of a most bogus line. Stupendously so," Sparki observed, shaking her head.

            "Well, what do we do now?"

            "Boldly go where no one has gone before..." Sparki smiled, "through the most heinous rock."

          "Uh...Sparki...um...there is one eensy weensy problem with that...." Mollie began.

            "And what is that?"
            "IT'S SOLID ROCK!!!"

          "Maybe it only appears to be solid rock. Have you tried going through it?"

            "Duh!" Denara put her two cents in, not one to ever remove herself from a possible argument. "Even I can't do that."

          "Zappo! Wowee, like this is most bogus!"

          "Why?" asked Tasha, who was not following the conversation at all.

          "Because, like, it only works if you believe. I have most definitely seen such artifices before. This is the work of the most bogus Moose"

            Craig made a gesture to Hamish that translated as: "The lass is daft and do ye have any whiskey noo'?"

            Tasha still had not managed to fathom what was being discussed, but one thing was certain; in spite of Mollie's promise the cave was doing irreparable damage to her delicate hair follicles. Thinking about this made her mad. She scowled and gave Mollie a push. Mollie flew into the stone wall.... and vanished.

            "Oh!" said Tasha, biting her bottom lip as she peered wide-eyed at where her sister used to be. "I think I made a boo boo!!"

            "No problemaroony." Sparki chirped. "You see, that's how it works." With that, she tossed Craig and his fiddle into the wall. Craig smacked his head on the stone and fell to the ground in a slump.

            "Oh!" said Tasha, just before she started wailing.

            "I, like, don't understand it!" Sparki bemoaned fretfully. "It most bogusly didn't work."

            "I think I know what the problem is." Denara stood on tiptoe to glare at Sparki right in the eye. "Craig saw it coming."

     "Och, Craig lad, did you see it comin' noo?" Hamish peered at the stunned, slumped form of what used to be a coherent Craig.

          "Hamish - cousin! Did ye get the number of th' freight train that hit me?" Craig tried to stand and fell back.

            "This is most heinous!"
            "What are ye meanin' by that, Lassie? I dinnae poosh `im!" Hamish growled. "But I think I know what the Denara bairn is meaning noo." With that, Hamish picked up Craig with one hand and slung him over one shoulder. Craig began hollering obscenities as Hamish closed his eyes and stepped into the wall, disappearing within seconds. The others followed without much fuss (well, Tasha did fuss, but there is not sense embarrassing the girl after the shock she has already had).

            On the other side was a city. Well, not a big city like New York or Tampa, but a small one, like Palm Harbor, only without palm trees. Sorry, wait, there was one palm tree, but it was kept as a pet named Rover and regularly fed palmetto bugs for sustenance. Nonetheless, the Neon Lites (and Denara, who had not yet proven any musical abilities and was merely along for the ride) were quite stunned to find a city of any size under miles of bedrock.

            There were people in the city ("Och, lassie", said Hamish, reading over Fiona's shoulder, "There usually are."). They were taller than Seamus MacHamish was and thinner than Kate Moss and they had purple skin and magenta hair. They wore tunics made of woven tree fronds decorated with amethysts, crystals and rose quartz, and there seemed to be no difference between the males and the females. If they noticed the Neon Lites (and Denara, who wanted so badly to be a Neon Lite) they said not a word, but went straight to their work.

            "What do you suppose they are?" asked Mollie, as if any of the others knew.

            "They are Xxyrrians." Sparki answered casually. "Most excellent slave dudes of the bogus Moose. We are on the right track most for really."

            "Why don't they see us?" asked Mollie.

            "Why don't they go to a mall for a quick makeover before they hurt someone?"  asked Tasha.

          "Rhuakqtfgfctyqfcv." said Craig, who was not yet fully recovered and who was feeling quite acrophobic from his perch on Hamish's shoulder.

            "They are like, most awesomely blind dudes. They totally work by sense of touch and if they can't like feel you, you don't exist. They most triumphantly mine semi-precious stones from all corners of the galaxy so that the evil moose can sell them to people at hideously marked-up prices. The Xxyrrians are the primo experts in this most bogus field of Capitalism."

            "We have to help them escape!!!"

            "Like, no we don't," said Sparki. "That is not like our job."

          "Sparki, this isn't like you at all," Mollie was shocked.

             "Ok, like, let me make this copacetic. Right now, in a galaxy far, far away, there is a most excellent rebellion going on..."

            "I think I saw this movie..." Mollie began.

            "Not THAT rebellion - that was over a long, long time ago. No, this is the Xxyrrian Rebellion. They have this most totally excellent plan to overthrow the most heinous Moose-dude and escape. My friend Qqwerfrtie, who is most excellent king-dude told me all about it. No, we have to just keep going and let them stay as they currently are."

          Everyone grumbled and groaned a bit, as the idea of a daring rescue would be something to break up the monotony of this journey, but after some arguing, they all followed Sparki through the village, stopping only momentarily, so Sparki could tell the captive Xxyrrians that their most excellent king dude sent hugs and kisses.

            And the journey continued.

***********************************************************

            "I am getting so sleepy..." Tasha commented. "I don't think we've slept in days."

            "We never sleep, lass. We're musicians." Hamish boasted proudly.

            "You know, I'm tired too," Denara commented, stopping and leaning against the nearest wall: Hamish.

            "Och, bairn, wake up noo." Hamish shook the child, but she was non-responsive. Mollie stopped walking and dropped to the ground, were she promptly began snoring. Tasha curled up next to her, not caring about the icky, red flower-covered ground.

            "Good night, most excellent friends." Sparki soon joined the other girls.

            Craig looked at Hamish. Hamish looked at Craig. They both looked at the girls.

            "I'm nae tired, are ye, lad?" Hamish asked.

          "Noooo." Craig shook his head. They began shaking the girls, but there was no response from any of them.

            "This is nae good." Hamish stated the obvious. "Why do ye suppose?....."

            "I don't suppose, and neither do ye."

            They both stood there for a moment, eyeing their fallen comrades, when suddenly Craig hit upon a brilliant idea.

            "It must be the wee flowers." Craig commented excitedly.

            "Och, noooo..." Hamish began to argue, then thought better of it. "Och Lad," he slugged Craig on the arm and Craig did a 360-degree spin that Hamish halted with one finger. "But why has it nae affect us, noo?"

          "Because we are lads. Flowers have nae affect on lads." Craig grinned wildly.

            They rooted through Sparki's knapsack until they happened upon four multi-colored Chinese jump ropes. Carefully, Hamish and Craig tied the girls' ankles with the ropes and Hamish took Sparki, Mollie and Denara, while Craig struggled with Tasha. They proceeded to drag them as far away from the vicious red flowers as was Scottishly possible. Once they arrived at the bottom of the hill, they unceremoniously dumped their companions into a heap on the cold, hard rock and waited. They waited some more. Craig played "Scotland the Brave" on his fiddle hoping they would be compelled to get up and dance the Highland Fling. But, nothing happened.

          Completely distressed, Craig put down the fiddle and looked helplessly at Hamish. "What do we do now?"

            "Give me that backpack, lad, We'll search for something in there." Hamish reached for Sparki's most prized possession. "But we'll nae tell Sparki, aye lad?"

             Craig glanced at the still snoring Sparki, rubbed the raw bruise on his forehead, then nodded solemnly in complete agreement. They began rummaging. Finally, Hamish withdrew an item triumphantly. "Look."

            "That's chocolate, lad. Chocolate covered espresso beans - highly toxic no less." Craig feared for Hamish's sanity.

            "Och - and chocolate always revives my sister Jennie when she's down or. PMSing."

            Craig pinched Mollie's nose and Hamish popped a bean into her mouth, then helped her chew and swallow. Within seconds, Mollie jumped to her feet, wide eyed and bushy tailed. Within moments, the others had swallowed their beans and were, too, ready to dance a jog. Craig and Hamish beamed at each other in self-satisfied male-fashion. They resumed their journey and Sparki never guessed that her precious bag had been looted.

            Craig, once again, took out his fiddle and began playing.

            "This sucks!" said Denara, as if answering a question from half and hour ago (which indeed, she was). "Why can't I be in the band?"

          "Lassie," Hamish stated firmly, "Ye haven't any talent."

            "I have so got talent!!! I can play a bodhran."

            There were groans all around. Denara pouted, her lower lip extended. She stopped and leaned against a wall to have a good whining session, but before she got far into her weeping and wailing, the wall gave way behind her and she fell backward into a small room. The others quickly joined her.

            "Good God, Denara!" Mollie cried.

            "Like, totally - wowee zappomondo!!!" Sparki exclaimed, "Those are totally a most enormous number of vaguely bogus scrolls."

            "So, which is the right one?" Mollie asked.

            "The prettiest." Tasha offered, as if the answer were obvious.

            "I am most totally confused in a way true awesome way."

          "Why?" Mollie inquired.

            "None of these scrolls is...none are...oh, most hideously bogus language!!! Like, my scroll isn't here."

            "How do we know which scroll the jerk back at the village wants?" Denara struggled to her feet, since she had waited long enough and no one had offered to help.

            "I'll look for one that says Icon Scroll." Sparki commented.

            They began looking through there were hundred and thousands of them, but none said `Icon Scroll' or much of anything else in English or Gaelic or anything else anyone could read. Denara stamped her feet in disgust.

            "We are never going to find it, you know."

             "Well no one can find anything in a crowd, lass." Craig comforted her.

          "Eureka!!!" Sparki pulled out a scroll. "I found something of most exciting interest to us all."

            They all looked over Sparki's shoulder. "What does it say?" Tasha asked. Sparki and Mollie read it to themselves.

            "That's awful!" said Mollie.

            "It sure is lass," Hamish nodded. "Now will you please translate it for those of us who are Greekly challenged."

            "Oh, "said Sparki brightly, "But it does not rhyme so beautifully in English.

          "Attend the tale of Slimebottomae, ummm, lawyer oh most heinous and dumb…Defended Socrates, now he's dead, ran for his life and died in his bed, but the words of Socrates will live forever, no thanks to Snerdicus Slimbottomae, the demon lawyer of Athens. These are the words of Brucius RuPaulium."

            Mollie stared in horror. "Snerdly caused the death of Socrates?"

            Tasha echoed her dismay. "He died in BED?!?"

            Sparki waved her hands for silence. "WE most totally have to get out of here and go get them from their most heinous leap of time." The others concurred.